This isn’t a typical PalmHeart post, I know. And I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing it. If you didn’t see my post from earlier today, I wrote about how upset I am when posts of mine intended solely to promote health and happiness are reblogged to instead promote self-hate, self-harm, and eating disorders. Hating and harming yourself is one thing, and as terrible as that is, helping to negatively influence others to do the same is something else entirely. And it’s not ok. And I don’t condone it.
So to see that very post reblogged numerous times, with the text deleted, to do exactly what I wrote against was mildly infuriating and definitely disheartening. I don’t know why I care so much, since it’s just a stupid post on a stupid blog, but I do. I care.
Maybe it’s because I feel helpless, since I don’t actually know what I’m supposed to say to make someone stop starving, and bingeing, and purging, and hating, and punishing. And I don’t know how to convey what an absolutely unsustainable weight loss scheme that is, and how it does infinitely more damage than any possible and completely ephemeral benefit it may bring, and how it propels you into a dangerous and detrimental cycle that you’re going to eventually have to work so much harder just get out of. I don’t actually know how to help, I just want to.
If you hate yourself, you will always hate yourself, no matter how much weight you lose. Hate is so often used as an impetus for change, but in reality hating yourself doesn’t propel you towards any kind of lasting, positive effect. Instead it engages you in a war with your body, one that I promise you can’t and won’t win. You treat your body terribly and deny it what it needs and it’s going to rebel and fight back, and when it does you will hate it even more, and you will be stuck in a horrible cycle. If you learn to love yourself no matter what, and treat yourself accordingly, your body will thank you and likewise respond accordingly. It’s really as simple as that.
The reason I posted a (decidedly uncharacteristic) photo of myself with this pointless rant is because I’m using myself as an example. I’m not above any of this, I’m not above self-loathing and self-harm, and I really do understand. But at 28 I’m a lot older than most of the pro-ED blogs I’ve stumbled across, and while I still struggle with my own set of issues, I’ve learned a lot through positive and negative experience and I can only hope to save someone the trouble of having to learn it on their own the hard way. I am definitely not perfect and I’m definitely not happy with myself every day, far from it in fact, but that’s ok. We ALL have issues. No matter how perfect you think someone else is, I promise you they scrutinize themselves to death about something or another. No one is just miraculously above it.
I’ve never been anorexic or bulimic, but I’ve done a lot to hurt my body over the years out of wanting to look or feel differently, and out of reacting to not looking or feeling how I wanted. I’ve struggled with yo-yo dieting, bingeing, depression, anxiety, cutting, and suicidal tendencies/attemps over the years, some of which I may never be 100% rid of. But the only actual, meaningful, lasting changes I have ever experienced came after I made my personal health a priority. And not superficial “health” as in eating the right amount of calories a day, but overall health and well-being, a much much larger picture.
If I can give only one piece of advice to anyone still reading this rant, it’s to just learn to love and accept who you are. It’s not easy and it’s a continual effort, I absolutely know that, but I promise that it’s worth it. Because only then will you treat yourself the way you need to and finally have the foundation for a better life. And without that, no number on the scale will ever make you truly happy. Loving yourself is a prerequisite for being happy with yourself, not a result.
I want this to have 5000000 notes on it. Inspiring girl with really honest things to say.